When it comes to feeling pain, I am accustomed to doing at least three actions in response: running, drowning, and staying. Here’s what I mean.
Running involves getting as far away from pain through numbing—and sometimes literal running as well.
I have memories of running in indoor spaces after some painful, potentially traumatic events. And to be clear, I don’t like to run, at least athletically—I get out of breath—unless I feel the necessity to run from something.
Watching one of my favorite contemporary musicians, Jason Isbell, recently pay tribute to another great singer-songwriter, Sheryl Crow, with a song of hers, “Run, Baby, Run,” I’m reminded of my own desire to run away from it all growing up. Home was hard, school was a million times worse, and at either, I always felt like a problem to be solved or fixed.
So, I ran. I ran away from pain in different ways through addictions and other means to numb pain—until I couldn’t run anymore. That’s when drowning comes in.