Matthew Perry, Addictions, and Self-Care
What I'm doing to take care of myself amidst times of tragedy.
Last night I read my humorous true story, “Recovering Music Snob,” also playing a song that inspired it at an open mic in Chicago. I didn’t realize when I decided on reading that piece how much it would fit the moment.
Earlier I had seen online that actor Matthew Perry had died drowning after many years of struggles with addiction to drugs and alcohol. I realized how lucky I am to still have a story to tell about my struggles with addiction, as imperfect as that story might be.
Tuesday will hopefully mark a new record of abstinence from something I’ve struggled with for many years. I’m excited, but what’s helping me get there is working to not focus on milestones; instead, I’m working on accepting where I am, one day at a time. I’m grateful to be where I am.
I felt for Matthew Perry when he was alive. The Friends star struggled publicly with his addictions. I never watched much of Friends, but his struggles hit really close to home.
At one point a couple years ago, I thanked him in a tweet for speaking out about addiction and mental health. As expected, I didn’t hear back, but I hope he knew that he was appreciated.
Perry started a sober-living house for men. He believed in service to others. I don’t know what caused his drowning, but I hope he knows wherever he is that he helped other addicts feel less alone.
His death hurts. I don’t feel gutted, as many do, but I feel sad nonetheless.
At the end of the open mic, I sang Carole King’s “Way over Yonder” and dedicated it to my late grandmother. I could have also sung it for Matthew Perry. I hope he has found peace.
However, I also know that taking care of myself one day at a time involves more than grief—I can and must hold space for these feelings while working to move forward.
There are many others who are dying, frankly, because of colonialism and racism around the world. Matthew Perry was not oppressed by such struggles, so I want to be clear that I am also mourning those dying in Gaza, among other places.
Maybe Perry’s death shouldn’t mean as much to me in light of the terror many people are struggling with daily. But I felt for him and his struggles, as I have for DMX and other addicted celebrities who died too young.
I nonetheless must carry on, resisting dominant narratives about struggle and addiction, as well as those that gloss over racism, colonialism, anti-Semitism, and other overlapping forms of oppression.
November marks the anniversary of my beloved grandmother’s death, so grief will always hover over this time of year. But I want to share things I’m doing for self-care.
Working on taking struggles one day at a time. Reminding myself that I have only one day—or, really, one moment—to manage has helped me feel less overwhelmed by grief and other emotions.
Reading a lot. On Friday I finished the fiftieth book I’ve read this year. Whenever I get depressed, reading and curiosity help give me perspective.
Less familiar “comfort music.” For example, listening to less familiar albums by artists I love has become a lot easier with music streaming services. It still feels like I’m discovering something new for me.
Checking in with others. It’s become more automatic for me to reach out to others when I get stuck in my head.
Working on being useful to others through writing and other means. I am also giving at least two workshops at one of my jobs in November.
Performing. Performing helps me connect with others and get out of my head as well. In addition to this recent open mic, I’m scheduled to perform at four storytelling shows in November for Tellin’ Tales Theatre during November.
Working on physical self-care. Physical self-care can slip when I get in a funk around the wintertime. However, I’m solidifying and building my daily routine.
Dancing. Believe it or not, I enjoy dancing, though usually not in public, and it helps.
Singing and/or playing guitar alone. I let loose when I sing and play guitar.
Contact with dogs and other pets. I feel soothed when I pet animals, and I now live with a dog who is helping with this.
I hope that this newsletter is useful to you. Happy Halloween and take good care of yourselves.
nice work, josh!